I want to date my best friend, but she is with someone else and I may have screwed things up.

Dear Coach,
My story is somewhat of a long one so please bare with me. I’ll try to keep it as short as possible. I went to college in fall of 2010. I hooked up with a girl and she hurt me badly. So while I was heart broken, I began talking to a girl I knew from high-school.

We weren’t friends in high school but we somehow began to become friends at this point in time. She had just come out of a bad relationship so we were able to relate to each others problems. Soon she invited me to eat Thanksgiving dinner with her family. I started to feel like she liked me so I gathered up the courage to ask her out. The day after Christmas, I asked her out.

I bought her a big teddy bear and some candy to help. She turned me down, although she did find it adorable how I stuttered when asking her. But she said she didn’t want to ruin our friendship. Time went on and we stayed good friends. Soon she decided I was her best friend. I dated other girls and she was, at one point, the furthest thing from my mind.

I remember her getting a new boyfriend and it not phasing me in the least. When it came time for spring break at my school, I returned to my hometown. She asked me to come see her a few times, and so I did. Throughout that whole week, she would turn down spending time with her boyfriend so she could spend time with me.

Time went on and I started talking to a new girl. My best friend from back home became very jealous. She texted me frantically the whole time I was talking to this new girl. One Saturday, I had a date planned with my new lady friend. My best friend found out and wanted me to come see her instead.

I started to think, maybe she likes me now. So I told my new lady friend to wait until next week. My best friend and I went bowling together and it was the most fun I had in my life. On the way back to school, she texted me and said I was amazing. I was starting to fall in love with my best friend and I felt she was doing the same. When the next weekend came, we watched movies at her house.

We watched a horror flick and she laid down on my chest on the couch. When she woke up and realized what she did, she felt embarrassed and she apologized. I told her I didn’t mind it at all. So I planned on spending the next weekend with her when all of a sudden, her “high school sweet heart” who had dumped her, asked her back out.

She admitted that she liked me but she said she loves him. So I went into a depression. She noticed and felt bad, so she made a trip to my school to surprise me one night. We watched movies and had a lot of fun in my dorm room. When we went to bed, I started to rub her neck.

I don’t know what I was thinking but one thing led to another and we had sex. We vowed not to let it ruin our friendship and so far it hasn’t. So here I was, I had just had sex with my best friend and she was about to date her ex. She dated her ex and I stayed friends with her. I tried to act like I didn’t mind when she talked about her new boyfriend, when in reality it hurt bad.

We spent most of the summer together and still had fun. About halfway through the summer, he dumped her again. I thought I would get a second chance, but no. She went on a “I don’t care” spree and dated guys that only wanted her for sex. They would treat her bad and I would tell her she was worth more than that.

She would agree, but then go right back to them. This led to us fighting. We had several fights, almost like a married couple. So I decided I didn’t need this hurt. I left her alone for a while. When it came time for school to start again, she wanted to spend time with me before I left. By this time her “high school sweet heart” had asked her back out again! So we spent the day together and she told me about all sorts of problems she has with him.

She said I always make her feel better when she is upset and she missed when we hung out and we wouldn’t fight. I took all the blame for the fights but she refused to let me. She said it was her fault. So I went back to school and a friend of mine gave me the idea to stop chasing her and make her want me. So I would only text her if she texted me and I would only say a few things then tell her I had to go to class or something (which was a lie).

So she started to tell me she really missed me, but I responded with “I’m only an hour away.” My plan was to make her think I don’t care so much, but I’m really not sure if I’m doing it right.

So I texted her the other day and told her I’m coming back to town and that I wanted to take her out to eat and then go to the movies. These plane will fall through tomorrow and I’m wondering how I should act. I want to make her like me again. I think it will help if I make her jealous, but I’m really not sure.

Maybe this can be my chance to show her how fun I can be and amaze her like I did when we went bowling. So, should I pour my feelings out on her or should I just keep playing it cool and act like I don’t really care?

Am I doing this right so far? And if I do take her out and it goes well, should I stay away for awhile and act like I’m having fun in college or should I visit her every weekend? Please help me if you can, this girl means the world to me.

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I want to date my best friend, but she is with someone else and I may have screwed things up.

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From Best Friend To Girlfriend
by: Dave Anan

Interesting! This is one of the longest and yet interesting tale. first, your friend is right, the one who told you to curb your excesses, common, haven’t you seen any of my pages?

all I see here is “She asked me to come see her a few times, and so I did…, “I told her I didn’t mind it at all…., “I took all the blame for the fights…, What is really going on here? Is she your boss or your girl??

like I said, you don’t need to pure out all your feeling, you need a lot of self control to run a relationship. what do you really want with this girl?

do you want her as just friend or as a girlfriend, do you want her totally or you want to keep sharing her with other guys?

you turned down an important date just to keep being second chair, you should have said “hey, sorry I can’t see you today, I want to hang out with a friend” and she would go wild with jealousy. That were to start, trust me, she wouldn’t back out.

when you get a girl jealous, she makes proper use of the next chance she gets

To be frank with you, this girl loves you, you are her “best catch” just that girls find it difficult to to really date guys that take orders from them, they date the one that make the rules

See our most visited page – How To Get Her Jealous IF you really want to become her boyfriend instead of being just friends

I need to know what is happening at the moment to help you proffer a better solution to the matter at hand

Dating my best friend
by: Anonymous

Hey Dave
As it stands right now, I am taking her out for dinner and possibly a movie tonight. She is willing to do this even though she has a boy friend. He is, however, in a different town and she doesn’t see him much. I’m thinking there maybe some ways I can make her jealous on this date, if thats what one could call it. I would like to also add that this will be the first time I’ve seen her in a long time and she is very excited to see me. Please, tell me if you know of anyways of making her jealous on this date. And yes I did read your article on making her jealous. I just wanted to fill you in on the current situation. Thank you.

How to Make my best friend my girlfriend
by: Dave Anan

There are innumerable ways to make a girl jealous, even as you walk on the streets and as you talk on the phone.

like I said, you must conceal your tracks perfectly so she doesn’t know you are trying to get her jealous, don’t just start a story of how you met a girl who is interested in you but you wouldn’t date her.

You have to be serious and act matured, like you don’t really need her. act like what she has given is not yet enough, don’t beg her for a kiss, don’t beg her to take you.

after the date go home and don’t call her till she calls you. you just don’t need to be “all thanks” like you are satisfied with everything she does, take the lead!

when you walk into the dating scene, tell her where to seat then seat beside her, “seat here,” that’s what a man does, when you tell her what to do, she would do it, if she argues with you, tell her that she needs to listen to the man – with some confidence and a smile.

That way, you get her to feel like she is with a man… a leader, not some little scared boy she would want to keep as JUST friends for life.

Dating my best friend
by: Anonymous

Ok, so I have another update. The date has been set back by a few hours. I called her and she said they made her work all night, so she is trying to get some sleep. I know she isn’t lying because I could barely understand her on the phone (when she wakes up shes usually like that). I could clearly tell she had little to know sleep. So lets say she cancels the date all together, should I reschedule? I told her on the phone she should let me know if we’re still on because this will be the last time I’m in town for a while, which may or may not be true but its better to keep her wondering. I won’t call again tonight. I’ll just wait for her to do so if she’s cancelling. So, am I doing this the right way? She has been known to cancel some dates, but not very often.

by: Dave Anan

Did you say you called her to inquire if you guys are still on? you went like “I just want to know if you still wanna date me?” bad move! I am guessing you would come to understand all of this at the later end, can’t you forget about her and hang out with other girls??


So you need to not want them before they start craving you. I think you are moving ahead and I feel you will later get very familiar with all this dating terminologies, the things is – only few guys end up in charge of their love-life, you can still love a girl and be in charge.

Women don’t date nice guys, they don’t love them, they can only keep them as friends while they fall head over hill in love with the bad guys… the players.

Women run when you chase them but they turn around and chase you when you run. so run!

give her a break. If a girl falls in love with you, she wouldn’t miss any chance she gets with you. do you even implement my tips?? you don’t call a girl more than once a day if you want her to fall in love with you.

any thing more than that you start sounding like a wussy and like one of those guys.

by: Anonymous

Hey Dave, I think you misinterpreted what I said. I didn’t call her to see if we’re still on. I had to call her to let her know I was about to pick her up, but she had to cancel the date because of her job. She texted me this morning and apologized but I told her it was no big deal whether we went out or not because I was going back to college in a few hours. She got kind of worried I could tell. I just told her it might be a long time before I’m in town again. So I drove back to college and when I got here she texted me about something she was upset about that probably ment nothing. I ignored her. I think I’m starting to get control of the situation.

by: Dave Anan

Most times I go all out on guys while trying to help them fix their games, just like some school teachers do when they think the student is not getting it.

I know you will finally take total control, you seem really focused!

Best of lucks and do keep me posted.

What is the best move I can make now?
by: Anonymous

Hey Dave,
She has just texted me and told me that she broke up with her boyfriend. She told me it was too stressful dating someone so far away and she didn’t feel happy with him. She said she felt stupid for it, I told her she had no reason to be. I didn’t say much else before I told her I am a little too busy to talk and she would have to text me later. Im pretty sure I’m the first and only person she’s told so far, being as she always turns to me when shes upset. So what do you think is the best thing I can do now? I want to see her so bad but I’m holding off on it and acting like its no big deal if I don’t see her soon. But now that she’s single, what do you think I should do?

How to Completely Get Her back
by: Dave Anan

You have to get to the point in life where you stop feeling that playing hard to get is a sort of game, you have to come to accept it as a lifestyle as far as dating girls is concerned.

When I started out with women I used to feel like it takes lots of hard works and some to date pretty girl, it was hard sometimes to hold back from calling numerous times and sending lots of text messages. I learned that the only way to get a girl attracted and fascinated about me is to make myself a little bit scarce at all time.

Not always completely being there. It gets easy as you go.

I am guessing she now figured you are becoming viable and a potential partner, but this shouldn’t excite you much, you still have to play it cool if you want to keep being on the top. Don’t call and let her know you are fascinated with the news.

I think you’ve done the right thing so far!

What do you want? to have a date with her or visit her, can you bring her over to your school?

What to do next.
by: Anonymous

Well, there is a free concert here in town this weekend. I put on facebook that I’m going. She saw it and started asking me questions about it. I would love to bring her to it but so far I havn’t told her. I can tell she wants me to take her because of her questions, but she won’t come out and say she wants to go (she likes playing hard to get as well). Maybe I’ll ask her in the next day or two, if she isn’t working then. She’s a waitress at a truck stop so she’s constantly working. I don’t think I should just jump out and ask now.

You Are On The Right Track
by: Dave Anan


I haven’t had the right time to attend to your question, how is it going with your girlfriend, I hope you are still together.

I get lots of questions here and most times I spend lots of time building and updating site pages

About your relationship, I think you are on the right track. real men make the necessary moves in relationships, you don’t wait for any woman to ask you out, you do it confidently.

Have you seen this program??

Ask the Coach

It talks about getting back in line with a girlfriend as well as mending a relationship. This wonderful program also offer tips on how to get your relationship back on tract and avoid a break up.

It points out the mistakes that we make that could lead to a break up and it is one of my best.

I highly recommend it.

Shes not my girl yet.
by: Anonymous

Hello again Dave. Shes not my girlfriend just yet. But she is single now and I’m working on her. She had to work during the concert but I plan on taking her out sometime this week. I actually do have the book your talking about. I tried using it to get an ex girlfriend back once. It didnt go so well but there were some pointers I skipped. At the moment I havn’t talked to my love interest in about 3 days, but when I do I’m hoping to figure out a way to break out of the “friend zone.” I told her about some girls I’ve been talking to. She would say things like “Awww, thats cute.” She asks if I’m coming to town, I just tell her I dont know and ask why. She always respnds with “Just wondering.” I think its going to take a while to become her boy friend, but I believe its worth the wait. It’s kind of hard to explain the whole situation too you. You don’t really know her like I do, actually nobody does. But I hope I got the general idea out. Do you think if I read the book over again it could help me to hook up with her and keep her? I’m also afraid of getting into a relationship too fast and it ending too soon.

How to Completely Get Her back
by: Dave Anan

I get it, most times women are always difficult to figure out, more especially to the guys that are just getting to date girls – I mean real date.

You really think your girl is unique and hard to figure out?? you forget that other guys have dated her in the past with very little run-rounds.

There is just one thing you need to understand about women, they are all looking for the same thing and wherever they find it, they pitch their tent.

They are looking for a guy that is tougher and manly.

that ingredients alone is attractive to girls.

That she keeps asking when you will come to town simply means that she is missing your presence. And that show that you are getting her attracted – that is, you are becoming a more fascinating man by the day.

There is no simpler way to become her boyfriend except by learning to call the shots and be the MAN she always wanted around.

You will figure it all out.

Shes talking to another guy
by: Anonymous

Dave, I really hate to pester you, but I’m afraid I’m going to need your help again. I called her tonight and schedule a date for tomorrow. I heard a male voice in the background and asked who it was. She said it was just the guy she’s talking to now. I played it cool and acted like I didn’t care, but when I hung up the phone I checked her facebook page. She had posted on there about how happy she was and how this guy makes her smile. He even took her to the zoo! That was my plan to do someday, I wanted to surprise her. So how in the world am I suppose to act tomorrow night when she mentions how wonderful her new guy friend is? Im so angry right now. I just want to beat the crap out of this punk. He doesn’t know her like I do. I saw a picture of them together and he looks like a creep. I need a boost of confidence right now. I need to show her I’m the right one and not some dude who can take her to the zoo. You’ve really helped me out so far, right now I feel I need the most help. Thank you for all you’ve done and I really appreciate your website.

no hope
by: Anonymous

We went out to eat the other night. I acted overly confident and maybe a little too cocky. I also got mad at her because she had other plans later in the night and I wasnt able to stay long. She was also under the impression that I was staying for the rest of the week. This was due to a white lie I told, I didnt want her to think I was coming all the way back to town just to see her. But she caught me in the lie. When i left town I texted her to tell her maybe next time we can do something a little more fun. This made her upset because she felt like i didnt have fun. Today i texted her and told her i didnt mean to lie and act so cocky. She said she missed the old us when we were friends and there were no feelings. So i guess i really screwed it up and it seems so hopeless now. I’m still holding on by a threas though. So my only solution seems the just stay away for a long long time. It does seem hopeless though. One mistake costs you so much. It is a game but its a cruel unfair one at that.

Dating Girls
by: Jerome


you told a white lie? Why? – because you thought you were playing games.

Or you think you need to put up an act, sort of behave in a way that is far from the original you to get girls to fall in love.

I just read your comment thread (your conversation with Dave) You seem really attracted to this girl and wouldn’t likely let go any time soon.

You may finally get it right if you keep moving ahead but you need some kind of a “personality make-over,” you need to live the confident and cocky kind of life and not just play it like some kind of game.

She said she missed the old you, the nice and friendly type.

You can either be her friend or be her boyfriend

Not giving up
by: Anonymous

Thanks Jerome. I want her to be my friend but I want more than that. I got kind of down and I know I should build up my confidence. I had a friend who kept telling me that this girl and I had something once, but we can never get it back and that I should move on. He just does’nt like seeing me upset. But when he told me that it discouraged me badly. I want to be able to ignore negative criticism and be confident in myself but its difficult. I am 5′ 8” and only weigh 121 pounds so I don’t always feel the most confident. But your right, I should change my attitude so I don’t have to lie and act like I’m confident. Thanks for the advice.

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