Is there any way to gain back her trust after this?
First of all, great site you’ve got here. I read through a few articles, and now I need your help with a specific matter.
Last year, I started attending local community college full time, majoring in computer sciences. I met a girl in class, and she was giving me signals left and right. My buddy was telling me on a constant basis that this girl really seems to like me, and that we would look “cute” together.
I played it off as if nothing was going on and just kept going along with my daily routine, while still talking to the girl, and spending time with her in between classes. For some reason, she made me think that she was extremely comfortable around me. She was laughing at nearly all my jokes, even the lamest ones I have ever come up with…crap even I couldn’t believe was coming out of my mouth! She always sat next to me in ALL our classes, and was very comfortable with me touching her occasionally, and even whispering in her ear when I had a “secret” to tell, usually hinting to her that the most socially awkward dude in the class, a guy sitting a few rows in front of us, secretly has a crush on her.
One day during class, I asked her to come out for lunch with me. She said yes, but after class, a group of guys from the other side of the room practically attached themselves to us, and I couldn’t get any alone time with her. I didn’t let myself show that it was bothering me, but I told her I was slightly annoyed with that a few days later, with which she told me she agrees.
I asked her out again, and she said maybe, that she would have to check her schedule. I proceeded by teasing her, saying how it’s impossible that booked. She said that she would be OK for the following Wednesday, but would let me know if that changed. I told her I will give her a call sometime by the end of the weekend, which I did do…and now I see how that was wrong.
She did not pick up, and I did not bother with leaving a voice mail.
At this point, I got desperate and started pretending to be seeing someone else. I had one of my former high school friends send me a couple of emails after she went out to movies with me. Me and this other girl were nothing more than friends, so I knew that this could somehow work.
One day, I “accidentally” sent the girl I wanted a text message asking her if we are still on for tonight, to which she replied with “???”. I replied back with…”oops, wrong number! see you in class”.
Once we went back to school, I kind of gave her the cold shoulder. I sat on the opposite end of the room with a friend of mine, and would only occasionally talk with her. A few days passed, and after one of our classes, she told me that another guy had asked her to go see a movie with him, and she said yes, but begged me to come along with them. I told her that I can’t just drop my super fun night I had planned for her, and that she would need to find another way.
Then, my buddy suggested something that would give her a way out. She ended up telling the guy she couldn’t make it because her mom was making her clean up her entire room and that she would be booked up for the whole weekend. After the weekend, he asked her again to go that day, and she told me “…I couldn’t back out of it.” The sad part is that this time, I ended up going with them.
I took some pride in that, knowing that I was blocking the other guy, and that felt pretty good. During this conversation, she also re-scheduled with me for our date. On the day of, we spent some time together after class. Looking back on it now, I can see that I was trying to please her way too hard back then. I won’t go into too much detail over that though…it’s not as important as the rest of the story.
She got picked up from school, and told me she would give me a call after work in a couple of hours. I went to the gym to kill some time, had a killer workout, and showered up and shaved right after. I was ready to go. I pulled out my phone, and there were no less than 7 texts. She explained that she can’t go because she just received a call for a job interview, which was coincidentally around the time we had our date scheduled.
I told her I understand, and that we would do this at another time, but that was far from the truth. My friend, whom I mentioned earlier, had invited us both to pub night the next day, and told me that he is bringing his girlfriend with him. We went, but I was extremely uncomfortable in that setting. Here I was with a girl I wanted to be with, and we were on a double date on our first time out together.
My comfort level completely dropped the moment my friend’s girl showed up. The whole dynamic for the rest of the night changed right there. We had a week break coming up the next week. I sent her a couple of texts, just asking her how things are, and she replied every time. I should mention that she had told me things about her ex boyfriend, and how he never appreciated her intellect. He would always put her down when she told him she got a high score on a test or an exam.
I did the exact opposite, always asking her how she did, so that way if she got a higher score than me, I could tell her that she won.
A couple of months passed, and I was still building comfort. She was still being as flirtatious as always, and I knew that I had to do something soon. One night, after a night out with my buds, I came back home, wasted out of my mind and sent her a long message telling her how I felt.
I woke up the next morning with a pounding headache, and a reply that read “I never saw us as anything more than friends. I’m sorry if I lead you on, and hope that you can forgive me. I hope we can still remain friends.”
I didn’t reply to that, but over the coming days and weeks, I really started losing myself. I was delusional. I sent her a few more messages (this time while sober…still a terrible idea!) professing my undying love and devotion, and how I really can’t stand being like this anymore. Whiny kid…whiny 21 year old kid…She replied with that she didn’t care about how I felt.
She didn’t want to be harsh, but I had pushed her that far, and now she had no choice. She told me that she isn’t there to cater to anyone’s feelings. I excused myself from her company from that point forward. Now I can see that this was clearly showing just how pissed off I was. During this time, another guy joined our class, and coincidentally, and she instantly took a shine to him. They started dating a couple of weeks after, and are still going out. After the summer break, somehow I have managed to re-gain my confidence. I still do like her, but I don’t let it show.
We talk on a daily basis now, and have frequent walks together. The topic of my loss of control from last year hasn’t come up as of yet.
What would you do after all this went down to get her to see you in a different light?