Why Does She not want a relationship just now?

I met a 30 year old girl I am 50, she has 3 kids, divorced, and had some bad boyfriend experiences, she has been single for 8 months raising her kids alone, I live interstate but see her for a week every month, we get on well and have a lot of fun. when we met she said don’t fall in love with me, I don’t want a relationship with anyone.

We have been seeing each other for 5 months now, she still says she don’t want a relationship with anyone, she says she likes me a lot, but changes the subject when I talk about it becoming more, when she has a few drinks occasionally she seems to say it is more than just liking me but when she sobers up she says it was the alcohol talking.

She is not seeing anyone else and we chat daily for hours.

I don’t want to invest more time if it is not ever going anywhere but i do have strong feelings for her so don’t want to walk away from that.
If I try to discuss it she avoids the question.
we have been intimate since we first met but it is very physically satisfying sex for us both but no show of emotion allowed.

no kissing, no hugs afterwards.
I assist her a lot financially but she never asks for help, I just volunteer it.
When asked she says she doesn’t feel the same as me but she does like me.

Do you think this is worth persisting with or is she not going to fall in love and i’m wasting my time. I want to be in a committed relationship, not a casual arrangement that is just fun for a while.

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Why Does She not want a relationship just now?

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Why she wouldn’t want a relationship yet
by: Dave Anan

Thanks for your question, I am not going to be direct here I think I could use a few more information. I believe in being forward about life, it is either we are doing it or we are not, someone said “In life, you are either in or out; there is no such thing as life in-between”

You said that you support her financially, do you think this could be part of the reason why she is still hanging out with you.

From what you said, it appears she is waiting for someone else, maybe (for some reason) she thinks you are not her perfect match.

Because I find it hard to believe that any lady above thirty would want to remain single.

You siad that you chat all day with her; like what do you talk about?? Do you say “I love You” has that phrase slipped off her mouth before?

Most girls have specifications… some dream to marry some kind of man and most often they just tend to hang around some other guys for some reason until the other man shows up,

But in a situation where the ‘dream man’ doesn’t show up they often always end up with the available man but you are not going to bask on this as any flint of hope.

You can become her dream man!

but then, I need to know why that has been difficult to achieve and what you think is stopping you.

response to dave
by: originator

Thanks Dave,
Yes the financial support is certainly attractive to her, If I did not provide that she would be participating in a profession she hates to support her family, I wont mention what she was doing when we met but its an easy guess.
She desipsed doing it but was her only option at the time, so yes my offer of support was how we got together and if I withdrew that she would go back to that and not see guys at all outside of work.
However she does enjoy my company greatly, we travel, and have alot of fun together, we get on perfectly as long as I dont get mushy and mention love.
We chat by internet all day, just day to day stuff, what she is doing, what i am doing, her kids good and bad etc.
The only time she has indicated stronger feelings is after some drinks, she has gotten quite indepth and indicates there are more feelings than she shows normally but also says she had some Very bad experiences with past guys and is not interested in being deeply involved again.
She is not seeing or looking for anyone else, If I was not there she would just be a stay home mum (apart from work a few nights a week) and would socialise with her friends occassionally.
She has told her closest friend about me but that is the only person she has told.
Withdrawing my support is not an option as I would nt cope with her going back to that job so its all or nothing for me.
She has said I can meet her family in another 3 or 4 months if we still seeing each other.
I am aware the money is a big part of why we are together, altho she never asks for it, but my thoughts are if I continue to offer that support with time her past wounds will heal and I will be there when she begins to trust men again.

Why Does She not want a relationship just now?
by: Dave Anan

Now, we can begin. Your girlfriend doesn’t want to be heartbroken again, that is just the reason why she doesn’t want to get overly committed. I think she would come around if you walk along with her.

Most ladies don’t want to be bought with money even though they love to be at the receiving end, they still want to live with people who doesn’t know about their messy days/past. So if you are fully aware of some messy stuff/part of her life she would be worried that you may end up seeing her in that light.

You need to convince her in a ‘Real Man’ way that you love her for who she really is, that her past wouldn’t in any way affect the future, You have to spin this in your own unique way, just make sure it carries the exact message.

It may not work in the mean time but it will definitely pay off at the long run

Thanks Dave
by: poster

Thanks Dave,
You have been a big help, It was screwing with my head.
I will stand by her and give it a while and see what happens.


Why She Doesn’t Want To Get Into A Serious Relationship
by: Dave Anan

I am always happy to help, infact I live to help.
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Why a girl wouldn’t want to get really serious.- Improve Self Confidence

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